Tips on Writing Your Own Wedding Vows/Letter of Love

Writing your own wedding vows can seem like a huge task, but, with a little planning, you can write the perfect vows.   You can also use these guidelines to help compose a letter to your spouse that you might read during the ceremony.

Remember to make what you recite meaningful to you both and make the words suit your relationship and the future you’ll build together.   Here are a few things to consider.

Start Early

With all the planning that goes into a wedding, carve out some time to work on your vows.   Waiting until the last minute can cause too much stress, so get to work as soon as you can.

Do Your Research/Find Inspiration

Read sample vows; collect quotes from books you have read or favorite authors.   You might even use lines from favorite movies.   Now you can incorporate small parts into something that is original.   Use you bits of research as a jumping-off point.   But, in the end, make it your own.

Here are some examples: https://apracticalwedding.com/wedding-vow-examples/

Jot Down More Thoughts Than You Will Use

Spend some time reflecting on your spouse and on your relationship together.   Here are some questions you might answer to get you started:

What made you decide to get married?

What are some of the storms or difficult times you have weathered together?

What do you want to accomplish together? (maybe travel, start a family, start a business)

What about your relationship makes the two of you such a good pair or match?

What did you think when you first saw your fiancé?

When did you realize you had fallen in love?

What do you most respect about your partner or what quality do you most admire?

How has your life gotten better since meeting your mate?

Why are the two of you good for each other?

How has your partner made your life more complete?

What do you miss most about them when you’re apart?

Decide on the Tone

Do you want this to be an emotional, romantic moment or would you rather insert a little humor into your vows?   Decide on the tone with your spouse.   If you can’t agree, there is no rule that he can’t be a little more humorous than you.   Remember that these are your vows and this is your wedding. Do decide if you want to write them separately or together.   Maybe you both want to say the same thing, but you each want to add a separate sentence or two at the beginning of the vows. 

Create a Framework Including Several Promises

These are your vows or promises to each other.   Be sincere and speak from your heart.

Sample Template:

Your vows are normally divided into two parts:   your declaration of love and your promises.

Declaration of Love

Make a statement about who your spouse is to you.   You might say something like “You are my very best friend, the person I want to be with forever”. 

Say a few things about what makes your spouse so perfect for you.   For example, “You always bring a smile to my face, even when I have had a really bad day”.   Or, “You brighten my life; each day is a new adventure”.   “When I am feeling the worst, you always surprise me with an amazing lasagna dinner”.

Now, say you love your mate.   “You are best thing that ever happened to me, and I love you so much.”   Or, “I love you so much and I cannot believe that we will be spending all of our tomorrows together as husband and wife   I feel so fortunate that you have chosen me to be   your friend, your love, your spouse”.

The Promises

Make promises about what you will do for your partner. How will you support your spouse through the good times and the stormy times?   If you are religious, you’ll probably also want to include language about your faith.

“In front of God and our family and friends, I promise to forever love and support you, making each day better than the one before.”   Or, if children are also involved, you might include them in the vows by mentioning that you will not only love your spouse but that you will also support and encourage the children. 

You might also want to talk about the things you will do with your spouse.   You might say:   “We have already been to some amazing places.   May we continue to explore new places and find new adventures”.   Or, “Together we will surround our family with love”.

Promise to be supportive in good times and in bad.   You might say:   “I promise to comfort you when you are sad and share your joy when you are happy”.

End with a length of time, like “for all of your tomorrows”.

Write Your First Draft

Now that you have collected some information and given some thought to the tone of the vows and what you want to promise each other, write the first draft.   Remember that this is just a start and you can revise it as many times as you wish.

Re-read and Revise

This is the time to read out loud what you have written.   Take out anything that doesn’t fit the occasion.   Make sure the vows sound like you and reflect your relationship.   Time what you are saying to about 2 or 3 minutes. 

Practice Out Loud

Remember to stand up tall and practice looking into your spouse’s eyes.   You do not need to memorize your vows if you do not want to. The more you practice, the more natural your voice will sound and the more natural your delivery will be. 

Make a Clean Copy for Yourself

Do have the vows written in final form, on an index card or paper that matches the color scheme of your wedding.   You might even write them in a small, decorative notebook that you can keep in a keepsake box with other mementos from your wedding.   As you walk down the aisle, you can tuck your vows or letter into a pocket, carry it with your bouquet, or let one of your attendants hand it to you when needed.   If you plan to memorize your vows, give a copy to your maid of honor or best man, just in case your mind goes blank.   That way someone will at least have a copy for you to read.

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